The epitome of being

I taught a good class this morning. A honest, heartfelt class where I was calm inside the whole way, where I felt in sync with the students at the end.

So one of the students there at the end of class, told me, “you are a good teacher”. As I was chewing that over in my mind, and thanked her, my inner voice says “it’s you who are the good student”.

At the beginning of my teaching life, I used to fly over the moon for such a compliment. In my lesser confident day my mind will dig up that compliment and rewind it, so to give me a boost and reason to feel better.

Even though getting these comments are still a big inspiration for me to keep teaching, and keep learning to teach better. I couldn’t help but notice a shift of mentality in my head.

I don’t feel I should be taking credit for this, I thought to myself.

Being on the other side of the fence of teaching has shown me that, more often than not, it is these particular classes that were good, despite the teacher. While being more experienced, having a stronger practice definitely helps, some days it is just not possible, within the setting, to conduct as good a class.

As teachers, our roles in others’ practice are limited.

There are days where everything just makes sense, words glide off the tip of my tongue on their own. There are days where I feel haunted by my own messy thoughts, and have a harder time guiding.

I’m not perfect, and I refuse to sit on this pedestal.

And I ponder on, if there are teachers out there, who just facilitates amazing classes, day in and day out.

Has anybody out there who has reached the epitome of teaching?

And my inner critic laughed a little, and said to me “has anybody who has reached the epitome of being?”

So perhaps, as we are dragging our feet through the mud, brushing my hair off the sand, and sniffing the air through the dust, we are already at the epitome of being.

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