I promised this to be a place of honesty, so here goes: the truth is, I am bored.
Teaching has been going great, I’ve managed to have enough classes, students seem to enjoy the classes. I’ve figured out focuses and a tone I’d like to teach the classes, I’ve experimented, in my small areas, and learned what seems to works well in classes.
As teaching becomes a regular thing, I’ve noticed sequencing becomes very easy. I no longer have to pre write down and pre plan all my classes before hand. I knew in my gut what works well in the group of students I have in front of me, I knew in my mouth how to guide them in and out of the places I deem suitable for the day, the energy level and the sequence.
But in the middle of the savasana today, I realise I was bored.
The upside of having an effective way of teaching, of cuing is that, it no longer is a struggle and I can relax when I teach. The downside of having an effective way of teaching is my hyper active brain is starting to miss the intensity and the focus that is necessary.
Teaching had been, a most thrilling experience for me. The nervousness to not knowing if a sequence would work, the hard work to have to research, to study, to nerd out, the minisecond to minisecond alertness that requires so you don’t stumble and disrupt the pace and flow of a class.
As I always tell people who don’t teach, it is not the physical part of being a teacher that’s hard, it is the brain energy that it requires to be on point, to be on the minisecond, to be on the dot precise that’s difficult. It is, at least in my view, a huge amount of mental energy teachers have to put into that seemingly simple, 75 minutes class.
But as it becomes easier, I’m bored.
After class today I had a chat with one of the students, who used to be a dancer, and we talked a little bit about how some occupations, like being a dancer, being an actor, being a chef, takes very special kind of humans to do. It is fuelled by passion, and burning the physical body as firewood. The long hours, the life style, the hard work, the knowing that there are things that are not good for you, the accepting that you probably can’t do it until you are 70. But these people just keep going.
On the bike home, thinking about these people, thinking about my friend, colleague and boss, who has been teaching for over 12 years, who teaches regularly the no less than 10 classes a week, and I wondered, if she was ever bored.
And yes, I’m well aware that, with this boredom, it comes the arrogance too. I cannot remember where I have watched this (or if this quote is accurate at all) but one of the lines that really stayed with me in this video about movement teaching is, “the real problem is, teachers think that they have the beginning, the middle and the end of the knowledge”. It is the know it all attitude that makes me bored.
And then I thought to myself (my brain is a hyper active over drive of self monologues, you see), maybe it just means that I need to spend more time learning. And yes that I do, with the number of movement, body modality books I have piling around my bed side table, my books of choice have been nothing but novels. And I asked myself, why wasn’t I doing it?
I’m afraid this is not one of those blogs where I ramble on and found myself a solution, as I rambled and thought on, all I found was more questions.
Should I teach less and go to study? Is it because of my inherit need for doing something creative? Why am I bored? Is it just this week and I’m lack of vibe? Can I really keep doing this forever?
What should I do?